just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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