you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
