Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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