Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
