May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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