New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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