theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
