The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
