you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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