Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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