i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
