Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
