hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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