These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
