I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
