remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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