i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
