The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is Oprah even human
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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