You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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