So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
