The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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