I wish I could teleport
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
