i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
