I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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