she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
