Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
