I just pynch a tree in the face
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Drunk is a universal language darling
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
