Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
