the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize