so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
