y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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