I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
