My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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