It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
