Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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