# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
