Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
