I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
