So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
