it was like his penis was on wheels.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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