I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
