that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
