No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this beer tastes like vomit already
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
