mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
