just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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