So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
