So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
