I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
