The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
