Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
