i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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