Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
