Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
