Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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