overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
