I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
