I just made out with a guy for $7.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
