for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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