Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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