just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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