How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just pee around me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
